Excitement...and a bit of frustration

I hit the 14 week mark today! This feels like a milestone of sorts because regardless of whether the 1st trimester is actually 12 or 13 weeks in length, I am truly into the 2nd trimester now. Whew! Only 6 more months to go.

By all accounts, I am told that the 2nd trimester is the most enjoyable of the 3. I hear you move past the nausea, get some energy back, and actually start to look the part of a pregnant girl - all things I am very ready for! Last week I really thought I was beginning to turn a corner with the whole nausea thing. My "good times" seemed to be getting longer, leaving me with a bit more energy, and even some of my old appetite. I was thankful for the change as Dan's sister was in town and I was able to cook a couple of meals - something I hadn't really been able to tackle since sometime in January! I even cooked up some meat and veggies, two items which have made the kitchen my nemesis thanks to my super-sonic sense of smell and hyper-active gag reflex. I didn't actually eat them in the end, but I felt like it was progress nevertheless.

Then Sunday didn't go quite as well. Then Monday was worse and I wasn't sure I'd make it through the work day (I did). Then yesterday was more of the same and by the time I got home I was a nauseous, whiny, pathetic mess. Dan was so excited to have an evening just to ourselves, and instead of relaxing and enjoying our time, I pretty much succumbed to throwing myself a nice little pity party. I'm not so sure he enjoyed it.

I'm not sure why, but it seems like my reprieve of last week has only served to dampen my spirits during this week's sudden reversal. As I step back and think about it, I realize that I should be grateful for the break I was given for a few days, particularly while Amanda was here to hang out. The Lord allowed me the strength and energy to enjoy the time with her, and I am thankful for that. And yet instead of focusing on the good, I tend to dwell on what's dragging me down - which as we all know, only drags you down farther.

I know this seems like a rather depressing blog entry, but I guess I'm just trying to sort out some of my thoughts this afternoon. The excitement and anticipation for this little one I carry builds each day - and I know this will all be totally and completely worth it in the end. In fact, my guess is I'll probably do this again some day (Lord willing). So right now I know I just need to "suck it up" and press on. I just wish I knew if I was going to feel like this for another 6 months or 6 weeks or 6 days. But maybe that wouldn't help, anyway. Maybe today I'll just ask God for the grace to get through today and let tomorrow worry about itself.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes as I write this - one I should probably wall paper my office with. I'll leave you with this:

"What may be your portion tomorrow is not your business today. Today's business is trust in the living God who precisely measures out, day by day, each one's portion." - Elisabeth Elliot

I think I'm feeling a little better already...