Dear Landscaping Crew, Garbage Man, UPS Man, Etc.,
I'll start by saying that I appreciate you all. Really, I do. I appreciate how you keep my 1 inch by 10 inch strip of lawn perfectly manicured and how you (over) trim my bushes. I can't imagine what I would do if you didn't come nearly every day to haul away the mounds of diapers - they tend to pile up around here. And my heart skips a beat every time I see your lovely brown vehicle come wheeling up to the top of our hill in hopes that maybe this time you'll stop at MY door.
But I have a bone to pick with each of you. You see, you really have very poor timing. Your lawn mowers - do they have to choose the exact moment I'm putting my daughter down for a nap to rev up and attack my gigantic lawn? While I appreciate that I don't have far to go to get to the dumpster, do you really have to lift it to such incredible heights just to let it slam back down to the earth...in the middle of Caroline's beauty sleep? Her window is practically right over top of you! And Mr. UPS Man, I do appreciate all that Brown does for me on a regular basis, but one teensy, weensy favor...can you PLEASE not ring the door bell? Or perhaps try coming around 11:30 instead...Caroline should be up by then. I knew you'd understand.
I think that about covers it. Just thought you all should know my true sentitments and that perhaps, with a little work, we can all come to an understanding. Sound good?
Sincerely,
Mom
Haha...You are awesome honey. thanks for the good laugh at work. So true--So true.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how much more AWARE you are of these things - TIMING - now that you have a child?? Yes, I too, wonder why people have to ring my doorbell or pound on my door anywhere from 12-3 in the afternoon. Don't they have youngun's too??
ReplyDeleteHow many times do you think our moms prayed that prayer! Hope that they come to a quick understanding...I would hate to see you in your robe and curlers on the front porch trying to reason with them!! :) -- Kandi
ReplyDeleteAnd now for one of my personal favorites:
ReplyDeleteWhy I Have A Crush On You, UPS Man
you bring me all the things I order
are never in a bad mood
always have a jaunty wave as you drive away
look good in your brown shorts
we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship
you're like a cute boyfriend with great legs
who always brings the perfect present
(why, it's just what I've always wanted!)
and then is considerate enough to go away
oh, UPS Man, let's hop in your clean brown truck and elope !
ditch your job, I'll ditch mine
let's hit the road for Brownsville
and tempt each other
with all the luscious brown foods —
roast beef, dark chocolate,
brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies
I'll make you my mama's bourbon pecan pie
we'll give all the packages to kind looking strangers
live in a cozy wood cabin
with a brown dog or two
and a black and brown tabby
I'm serious, UPS Man. Let's do it.
Where do I sign?
by Alice N. Persons, from Don't Be A Stranger